My Name Is Gretchen
By Kathryn Silver-Hajo
I like the way my hand feels in Dad’s, like he knows the right way to hold it without even trying. Knows how to keep me safe. All the frying food smells and exhaust from the waiting plane make me nauseous. There’s something I want to say to Dad but I don’t know how. I set down my bag, stand on tiptoes to reach his chest, hug him around his middle.
He smooths my hair, smiles like he’s a million miles away but right here at the same time. Mom hated that. She calls him a workaholic. Says she needs to be with someone who pays better attention to her, says how beautiful she is, even calls her daughter princess. And all that attention felt good to me, too at first, until my stepfather moved us far away for a fresh start, said a little girl belongs with her mother. That it made sense for my brother to stay with Dad. Nobody ever asked what we wanted.
Dad hugs me back, but after a minute he says it’s almost time to board, looks down at me like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. “What is it, Gretch?”
I wish he could read my mind, like the characters in the kid’s sci-fi book I read once. Wish he could hear what I’m thinking. How Mom’s new husband teases and makes a joke out of everything. How he looks at my flat chest and laughs, don’t worry they’ll grow, like they’re a joke to him. How he calls me Silly-Sally but my name is Gretchen. Touches Mom in front of me like he forgot they’re not alone. Stays home with me when Mom goes shopping, for a little father-daughter time even though he’s not my stupid father. Snuggles close to me to watch TV like there’s not enough room on the other side of the sofa.
I know I won’t tell him all this, but suddenly I just blurt out, “I don’t want to leave, Dad.” He looks at me and scrunches up his nose, makes a sad-sorry smile, like the time I wanted ice cream instead of dinner and he knew Mom would never say yes even though he probably would have.
“I promise to bring you back for Christmas break,” he says, kissing my forehead and I squeeze his hand again so I can take that safe feeling with me.
THE END
Author Bio: Kathryn Silver-Hajo’s work was selected for the 2023 Wigleaf Top 50 Longlist and nominated for the Pushcart Prize, Best Microfiction, Best Small Fictions, and Best American Food Writing. Kathryn’s work appears in Atticus Review, CRAFT, Emerge Literary, Ghost Parachute, New Flash Fiction Review, Pithead Chapel, Ruby Literary, The Phare, and other lovely journals. Her flash collection, “Wolfsong” and novel “Roots of The Banyan Tree” were both published in 2023. More at: kathrynsilverhajo.com; facebook.com/kathryn.silverhajo; twitter.com/KSilverHajo; instagram.com/kathrynsilverhajo.