Under the Bed
By Amanda Eiden
Billy checks under the bed for monsters. Then he changes into his pajamas with the trains on them and throws his dirty clothes in the hamper. He brushes his teeth in little circles like Mom showed him and washes his face with a soap that smells like the purple flowers in Mrs. Avalon’s garden. He switches the nightlight on and shuts his bedroom door.
He tiptoes over to the window and puts his small fingers onto the lock. He takes one glance over his shoulder at the door before undoing it. Two hands from the outside press up against the glass and lift it open.
“Hey,” Nate says.
“You going to come in?”
“No,” Nate sighs and leans up against the windowsill. “Not tonight, little bro. I don’t want to get you in trouble with Mom and Dad.”
“I’m not the one in trouble.”
“Yeah.” Nate bends down and sticks his head through the window. His greasy brown hair swoops in front of his eyes. Sweat from his brow falls onto the wooden sill.
“I’m supposed to be in bed.”
“I’ll go. In a minute. I have to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Billy,” Nate reaches his hand out to Billy’s. “I want you to come with me.”
“No.” Billy’s voice carries quite loud and Nate brings a finger up to his lips to shush him. Billy quiets his voice. “I can’t. Do you know how much Mom and Dad miss you?”
Nate rolls his eyes and lets go of Billy’s hand.
“I’m sure they do, Bil. But—they just—Mom don’t know Dad at all. Not like I do.”
Billy doesn’t know if he can trust Nate’s words. Mom and Dad always say that teenagers are out of their minds.
“Promise me that you’ll come find me if you change your mind.”
“But how?”
“I’m always around, Billy.”
Nate gives Billy’s hair a little tousle before standing up and walking off into the darkness of the night. Billy sticks his head out the open window to watch Nate walk through their backyard, climb over the fence, and leave Billy’s life once again.
Billy walks back over to his bed and crawls under the covers with Mr. Kitty the stuffy. He shuts his eyes and pulls the blanket up underneath his chin. But thinking about Nate’s words makes him restless. He’s never going to sleep again.
He sits up and reaches into his nightstand drawer. He grabs his flashlight and the hard cover copy of Stephen King’s IT from Nate’s room. If Mom knew that Nate has such a book, she’d be furious. Which is all the more reason Billy had to sneak it for himself to read it. He likes clowns. And Nate says Billy can take whatever he wants from his old room.
Billy pulls the blankets up and over his head and flicks the flashlight on. He sits crisscross-applesauce and opens the book in his lap. The brightness of the flashlight momentarily stings his eyes but he quickly forgets that when he starts to make out the words on the twentieth or so page he’s on. Some of the words are still too big for him but he thinks he’s learning some as he goes.
Billy flips the pages twice before his shoulders are gripped with big hands and a familiar voice comes from the other side of the covers. He shrieks as he lays down, keeping the covers over his face. The hands tickle him and a deep laughter muffles down to Billy from above the blankets.
He flings the blankets off of himself and sees Dad’s scruffy face glaring down at him. Billy discretely moves the book under his back.
“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” Dad says.
“I know. I couldn’t.”
“Must be pretty hard with a flashlight under the covers.” Dad smiles. And Billy does too.
Dad walks over to the window and glances back to Billy.
“I told you not to have the window open,” Dad says. “It lets all of the cool air out.”
“Sorry, Dad.”
Dad slams the window shut, making Billy jump a little. Dad turns back around to face Billy and his heart skips a beat. He swallows. Nate’s words race through his mind. But when Mom comes into the room, Billy smiles for real. She sits down onto the bed with Billy and tucks the blankets in all around his body, nice and snug like he’s a butterfly in a cocoon.
“Whatcha reading?” Mom says.
“A book from the library.”
“Can we see?”
Billy undoes the tight blankets around himself to pull out the thick copy of the book with the creepy clown’s face on the cover.
“You got this from the library?”
Billy shrugs and looks over to Dad. Then back to Mom. They both look at him with worried eyes, furrowed brows.
“It must be one of Nate’s books,” Dad says.
Mom sighs and puts a hand onto Billy’s blanket covered leg. She looks at him with soft, warm eyes that start to tear up at the mention of Nate.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of his room?” Dad says.
“He said I could have it.”
“Billy, you cut that crap out right now.”
“Jay, it’s okay.” Mom grabs Billy’s hand and gives it a tight squeeze.
Dad lets out a deep breath and bends down to give Billy a kiss on the forehead.
“Night, Bill.”
Dad wanders out of the room and Mom looks down to Billy’s watery brown eyes.
“When did Nate tell you that, sweetie?”
Billy swallows hard. His hands and fingers tingle. He always promises to Nate that he won’t tell Mom and Dad about the visits. And he never has.
“A couple days before he ran away.”
“Okay, baby. Well, you can have it. Since Nate said so. But that’s a scary one. Might keep you up at night.”
Mom begins poking at his sides and Billy squirms around under the blankets, giggling so hard and loud that he gets the hiccups. Mom stops the tickling and re-tucks in the blankets so he’s safe and sound. She leaves the book on his nightstand. Billy puts the flashlight on top of it and turns to face the gloomy window as she shuts his bedroom door behind her. Dark shadows come and pass by the window.
Billy feels bad lying to Mom, but he also can’t reveal Nate’s secret. The only person besides Billy that knows about Nate’s visits is Mr. Avalon. He’s probably the only grown up who would believe him, anyway. And he’s cool. Billy can walk across the street anytime he wants to hangout in the Avalon’s quiet house or yard. Billy’s favorite thing to do there is pick flowers and bring them home for Mom. Mr. Avalon helps him pick out the brightest colors. And Mrs. Avalon always brings them cookies and juice outside as a treat.
The first night Nate came to Billy’s window, he couldn’t sleep at all. The next day, he told Mr. Avalon all about it. And he promised to keep Nate’s secret. But Billy has his suspicions that he may have said something to Mom or Dad because they all got in a real big fight once.
Billy rolls over to face the other side of his room. He shuts his eyes harder and tries not to think of all the fights between his parents. Or their fights with the Avalons. And he feels his dreams take over for a while.
Hours later, Billy awakes with wide eyes. He sits up, knowing there is something off about the room. It’s darker than usual. He turns to see his nightlight, now burnt out. His stomach sinks into a pit. He stares at the dark corner of the room. Fear rushes into his mind. He looks over to the closet door, shut tight. And his heart starts to race.
He wants to be a big boy and sleep without the nightlight but he can’t. He won’t get any sleep tonight without it. And he has a big spelling test in the morning.
Billy moves around so that his stomach lays flat and he can hang his head over the edge of the bed to glance underneath. All clear. He’s a bit calmer now as he stands up on the wooden floor. He walks over to the light switch and turns it on.
Now he can safely check the closet. He wraps his small hand around the brass doorknob and takes in a deep breath. He counts, 1—2—3, before swinging it wide open. It’s clear and Billy smiles to himself. Maybe he is a big boy after all. Billy shuts the closet. He can do this. He can sleep in the dark tonight.
Billy turns off the light. He takes one big step toward his bed and then leaps to it. Midair, as one foot reaches toward the safety of the bed, the other foot becomes grasped in a firm hand. Billy screams bloody murder. His body thuds onto the floor. He screams louder. The hand begins pulling him under the bed as he shrieks and shuts his eyes. He shouts for Mom.
Then the light in the room turns on. The hand releases its grip and vanishes under the bed. Mom rushes over to Billy’s side and lifts him up. Even though he’s much too big to be held now. She hushes him and he starts crying into her shoulder.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
Billy cries harder. She turns around to face the empty bed and she even bends over, with him in her grasp, to glance under the bed. It’s clear. She checks inside the closet. She even looks outside the window. She pushes it shut. But Billy didn’t open the window again.
“There’s nothing here, Billy. I promise.”
Mom slowly releases Billy onto his bed. She tucks him in under the covers and looks down to him with eyes full of worry. He knows the look well.
“Jesus, what now?” Dad says as he pokes his head into the open doorway.
“Just a nightmare,” Mom says.
Mom strokes a gentle hand onto Billy’s small cheek. She also puts the back of her hand against his forehead.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you going to be able to get any sleep? Or do you want to come sleep with Mom and Dad?”
“Christ, Donna. He’s six years old.”
“My nightlight burnt out. I think I can sleep if you fix it.”
Mom turns around to Dad before he disappears from the doorway. He comes back a minute later and changes the bulb in the nightlight.
“There,” he says. “Now can you sleep? Please.”
Mom gives him another goodnight kiss and she shuts off the light as she leaves him alone again. Even with the door shut and one ear pressing against his pillow, he can still hear their loud voices. They argue about things that are too hushed for him to make out. He shuts his eyes again, hoping this time he doesn’t have a nightmare.
But then a whispering voice comes from behind his back.
“Billy,” it says. “Billy, it’s okay. It’s me.”
Billy thinks he recognizes the voice. But he isn’t sure until he can muster up enough courage to turn around on the bed. He relaxes completely when he realizes that it’s a friend.
“Mr. Avalon?” Billy says in a whisper.
“Shh,” Mr. Avalon says as he takes one step closer to the bed. “You can’t be too loud or you’ll startle your mom and dad again.”
“I know. What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know, Billy.”
Mr. Avalon holds his hands behind his back. There’s something in them. He’s wearing pajamas and looks awful tired. This is such a silly dream to have tonight.
“What is that?”
“Just something I brought along.”
“For me?”
Mr. Avalon shakes his head.
“Are you okay, Mister?”
“Not really.”
“What’s going on?”
“It’s rather hard to explain, Billy.”
“Can I help?”
“Well,” Mr. Avalon takes in a deep breath before sighing. “Maybe.”
Billy smiles at his friend. He feels so grown up right now. Even if this is just a dream.
“Your daddy did something bad.”
“My dad?”
Mr. Avalon nods. He closes his eyes and raises his eyebrows.
“Something very bad, yes.”
“What did he do?”
“You love Mrs. Avalon, don’t you?”
Billy nods. Of course he loves her. The Avalons are like a second set of parents to him. Except he never gets in trouble at their house.
“So does your daddy. But your daddy is supposed to love your mommy the most.”
“Oh.”
Billy wonders what Mr. Avalon means. Because he knows that Dad loves many people. Mom, himself, even Nate, despite how he ran away. He probably even loves the Avalon’s fat cat.
“And I think your daddy might be the reason Nate ran off.”
“That’s what Nate always says.”
Mr. Avalon paces back and forth in the room. His feet are silent on the cool, wooden floor. The thing in his hands is shiny but Billy doesn’t remember what it’s called. He starts to wonder if maybe this isn’t a dream after all.
“What am I supposed to do?” Billy says.
Mr. Avalon shakes his head. He stops pacing.
“I did something bad, too, Billy. I shouldn’t be here.”
“I know. It’s bedtime.”
“I came here to make things better. But I shouldn’t have done it like this.”
“Yeah. You left the window open and I got in trouble.”
Billy yawns and turns to look at Mr. Avalon more. His whole face is covered in sweat, despite the room being nearly freezing from the air conditioning.
“I’m sorry for that. But I want you to give Mrs. Avalon a message from me.”
“Well, okay.”
“It’s a secret message, okay? You can’t tell anyone but her.” Billy nods. “I want you to tell her that I love her. Very much. No matter what.”
“Why can’t you?”
Mr. Avalon trembles slightly as he sits down onto the bed beside Billy.
“I can’t talk to her right now. She’s pretty mad at me.”
“Can I do it tomorrow? I’m supposed to be sleeping.”
“Yes, that’s perfect.”
Mr. Avalon puts a finger to his lips as he steps over to the window. He gives Billy a calm smile. He turns the lock and slowly slides the window open. He turns and gives Billy a little wave before stepping through the window, like Nate had hours ago.
Billy walks over to the window and pushes it shut. He makes sure to turn in the lock. He tries to see where Mr. Avalon went, but all he can see is darkness and silhouettes of tree branches blowing against each other in the wind.
***
The next day, Billy gets off the school bus with a smile. Instead of going home, he goes to the Avalon’s house. He knocks on the door and waits. Mrs. Avalon opens the front door and her eyes immediately fill with tears when she sees Billy.
“Oh, Billy. I’m so glad you’re okay.”
She’s quick to wipe away the tears and open the door. He steps inside and sets his backpack down with his tennis shoes, like he always does when he visits. She sniffles as she walks over to the fridge to grab a pitcher of lemonade. She grabs a glass from the cabinet as Billy sits down at the table. She puts a glass of lemonade in front of him.
“Are you okay, Mrs. Avalon?”
Mrs. Avalon smiles as she sits with him. Billy can tell she’s trying not to cry.
“I haven’t seen Peter—Mr. Avalon. He never came home the other night.”
Billy reaches for the glass of lemonade in front of him and takes a big gulp.
“He told me to tell you something. But you can’t tell anyone.”
“Your father?”
Billy doesn’t know if she can keep a secret. But she looks so sad.
“No. Mr. Avalon. He came over last night. He says he loves you. No matter what.”
“Oh,” Mrs. Avalon says before tearing up.
She reaches across the table to hold Billy’s small hand in her own.
“Did he run away?”
“I don’t know, Billy.”
“Nate, my brother, ran away. I don’t know if Mr. Avalon told you. But he comes to visit me sometimes. Maybe Mr. Avalon will visit you.”
Mrs. Avalon lets his hand go.
“Did he say anything else, Billy? It might help me figure out where he is.”
“He said he came there to make things right. Because you’re mad at him.”
“Was that all?”
Billy nods before taking another large gulp of the lemonade. Mrs. Avalon watches his every move. She drums her long fingernails against the table. She seems to get completely lost in her thoughts.
The ring of the doorbell makes her jump a little in the chair. She goes over to answer the door and Billy watches from down the hall.
“Is my son here?”
“Yes, he’s in the kitchen.”
Dad stomps through the hallway. His eyes are serious and his face is bright red. He walks up to Billy and pulls out the chair he’s sitting on. Dad lifts Billy up from his arm pits and makes him stand up.
“C’mon, Billy. We’re going home.”
“Don’t punish the boy.”
Their voices grow louder, more intense. He steps behind Dad’s legs and hides from them.
“He’s my son. Not yours.”
“Well, maybe he ought to be. Sure likes me a hell of a lot more than you. And you wonder why.”
Dad sighs loud and steps toward Mrs. Avalon. He turns around and looks down to Billy.
“Billy, why don’t you go home? Mom’s back.”
“I didn’t get to finish my lemonade.”
“Here, sweetie,” Mrs. Avalon walks over to the table. She grabs the glass and hands it to Billy. She throws a glare toward Dad. “Be careful not to drop it.”
Billy clutches the cup tightly in both hands and walks through the open front door. He sets it down for a moment so he can tie his shoes and grab his backpack. He can see Mom’s minivan parked in their driveway. She’s carrying grocery bags inside. He wonders if she bought the Goldfish he asked for. He looks both ways down the street, twice, before crossing the road with the glass held tightly in his hands.
“Hey, Billy,” Mom says as she shuts the back of the minivan. “You want to help Mom unpack groceries?”
Billy follows her into the house. He opens up a brown paper bag and unloads all of the goodies she bought onto the table. She opens and closes cupboards and the fridge as she puts each thing away. A bag of Goldfish gets put into the snack cupboard.
Suddenly, shouting voices grow closer and closer until Dad and Mrs. Avalon come through the garage door and into the house.
“Tell her or I will,” Mrs. Avalon says.
Mom turns to face them and then looks back to Billy. Her eyes are full of that worry again. He sets down the glass of lemonade and walks toward the patio door. Their voices become quieter and more distant the further away he gets.
“What did you do with my Peter?” Mrs. Avalon says. “He hurt him! He must have.”
“Jay, what’s this all about?” Mom says.
“Peter was gonna tell you everything, Donna. And something about your son. That’s the last time I saw him.”
When Billy slides the patio door shut, he can barely hear them arguing. He walks out across the long grass and sits on his swing. He watches the grown-ups scream at each other.
Suddenly, a hand rests on his shoulder.
“Nate?” Billy says. He turns around. “Mr. Avalon, were you here the whole time? They’re looking for you.”
“No. I just got here.”
“Why’s everyone fighting?”
“Your daddy did something wrong.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It’s going to be hard for you to understand, Billy.”
“I don’t care. Tell me.”
Mr. Avalon sighs and bends down to sit next to Billy.
“I’d rather you figure it out yourself. You’ll grow up. Things will make more sense then.”
Tears come to Billy’s eyes. He hates feeling so alone. And like nobody can trust him with grown-up things. He wishes Nate would come home. And for things to be normal again.
“Nate wants me to run away with him.”
“Are you going to?”
“I didn’t think so. But now I’m not so sure.”
Billy can see Mom crying into Mrs. Avalon’s arms inside the house. He can’t see Dad but a car starts in the driveway and speeds off down the road.
“Why couldn’t you have been my dad?”
“I wish for that, too, Billy.”
“All Dad ever does is make Mom cry. I hate when she cries.”
“It’s the worst sound. Hearing someone you love cry.”
Billy’s eyes still fixate on Mom and Mrs. Avalon.
“Do you think they’d be mad if I went inside?”
“Go on,” Mr. Avalon says, giving Billy a little nudge with his hand. “I’m right behind you.”
When the two get inside the house, the women fall silent. Black smudges run down Mrs. Avalon’s face. Mom sniffles and wipes her eyes with a crumpled tissue. She reaches an arm out, inviting Billy to come closer. Billy runs into her arms. Mom holds him tightly.
“Momma, what’s going on?”
“I wish I could say, Billy. We have no idea.”
Mom loosens her grasp on Billy and he takes a step back. Mr. Avalon rests his hand on Billy’s shoulder again.
“I wish Nate was here,” Billy says.
“Me too, baby.”
Mrs. Avalon shakes as she looks to Billy. Mom tries to hold her tears back, but Billy can tell she wants to keep crying. It makes his stomach ache.
“Where’s Daddy?”
Mom sighs heavily.
“I don’t know, Billy.”
“I’m confused, Mom.”
Mom brings Billy in for another hug. Billy sighs against her shoulder, shutting his eyes for only a moment. He has to be strong. For her. Especially since Nate and Dad aren’t here.
“Daddy did something really bad, baby.”
“I know. Mr. Avalon told me.”
“What did he tell you, honey?”
Mom reaches out and strokes her fingers through Billy’s curled, brown hair. He lets himself relax a bit under her touch. Then he breaks away from her grasp to face Mr. Avalon.
“Can I tell her?” he says.
He gives Billy a warm smile and a light nod. He turns back to Mom whose lips part open.
“Billy what are you doing?” Mrs. Avalon says.
That familiar look of worry shows in both of their eyes. And across their faces.
“I told you he visited me last night.”
“Who?” Mom says.
“Mr. Avalon.”
The two grown-ups only stare at Billy now. He looks down to his shoes. He wonders if he’s in trouble. But Dad is gone so he doesn’t think so. He starts to wonder if that’s what Nate meant last night. And if Dad has been the danger all along. Billy looks back up to them.
Mom looks over to Mrs. Avalon. They mouth some words to each other. Mom nods.
“Mr. Avalon is gone, Billy,” Mrs. Avalon says. “You need to understand that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember when Grandma died?” Mom says. “Mr. Avalon died, baby.”
Tears flood Billy’s eyes. He runs outside, fleeing to his swing. He sits down on the plastic seat and puts his hands against his eyes. The salty tears flow past his hands. He doesn’t know much but he knows what this must mean.
A light tap on his shoulder startles him. He looks up. Through the waterfall of tears glassing over his eyes, Billy finds Nate standing beside him. He looks at Mom and Mrs. Avalon through the glass door. They watch him with a blank stare.
“Did you change your mind?” Nate says.
Billy shakes his head and stares back at Mom. He might have told her Mr. Avalon’s secret, but Nate’s would be one he keeps from her forever.
THE END
Author Bio: Amanda Eiden is a writer and artist from rural Minnesota. She’s working to get her MFA in creative writing at Concordia University, St. Paul. So far, her work has appeared in the Mystery Tribune. She is an associate fiction editor for Miniskirt Magazine. When she’s not writing or drawing, she loves to spend time outdoors watching birds and playing with her dog and cats.